PSYCHOLOGY BUSKING a la wordswords: HAVING A HOWLY JOWLY CHRISTMAS: MY DOG DAYS OF WINTER

KODA

CHARLIE

DIESEL AND ALMOND

It is apparent that people love their dogs. And this for me is especially empirically apparent because people are will to pay me dollars to draw their dogs. Just having their dogs is not enough it seems; there is an obvious need to frame their Fidos in perpetuity. During Christmastime my canine sketches are a hot item because people love their dogs!

Why do people love their Hooches so much?

One reason is that dogs are relatively easy maintenance. Not a chef, not a problem. One does not need to be a culinary arteest or an exquisite cuisine queen to please Pluto.

Commercial dog food is cheap and convenient and definitely the way to go. The best three dog foods recommended by DogFoodAdvisor are Acana Regionals Dog Food (dry), Fromm Family Gold Dog Food (wet), and Nature’s Variety Instinct Dog Food (dry).

And the healthiest human foods for dogs are peanut butter (unsalted), chicken (raw), and cheese (not processed). Carrots, yogurt, and pumpkin too, are tolerable.

Factoid: Scooby Doo will eat pretty much anything you throw at him.

Another reason for puppy love is that dogs can be excellent health and fitness partners. I know a number of couch potatoes who’ve expressed that their canines are a guilty excuse to walk or jog on a daily basis.

Running is good for humans so it must be good for dogs, too, right? Nope. For example, if you’re looking for a long-distant running companion, do not pick a Dachshund. Wiener dogs are wussies when it comes to jogging.

A third reason for the love is that dogs are cheap shrinks. Need therapy? Someone to talk to? A snuggle partner? With a slobbery head on your lap, you can vent all your problems and misdeeds the whole day long and Rinny Tin Tin will still love you just the same.

A good dog is a good listener. Your dark and deepest secrets are certainly safe with Sparky.

I charge 130 dollars per session. Any Bowser will offer services pro-bone oh.

Love reason number four. It is cliché that a dog is man’s best friend. Most everyone agrees that adorable puppies grow into long-time old buddies. Old Yeller is great for goin’ huntin’ and fishin’ if you’re so inclined.

Also, you, being human, might have many best friends, but your best friend, Odie, has just one. You, dear dog-owner reader, are the brightest light in your dog’s life.

A fifth reason for such love is that dogs provide loyalty and unconditional love. Your dog will always wait for you to come home. Though your pooch’s loyalty may simply be based upon food and shelter, dog owners believe it to be much more complex than that. They know that their dogs are their mirrors. They know that their curs will always reflect their glee and their gloom, mimicking every emotion their masters signal.

Reason six is dogs provide protection and safety. Maybe. Purportedly, the best guard dogs are Giant Schnauzers, Doberman Pinschers, and German Shepherds, all of which are intimidating because of their size, their bark, and their bite. And a reminder, Timmy, that as far as protection and safety is concerned, even if you fall down a well, Lassie will rescue you.

Hound dog humor abounds throughout this essay. (Hmmm … if you can call these trite and hokum attempts humor.) Here are more Lucky, Lady and the Tramp alliterations:

Just as every pub has its specials for beer and munch lovers (Tuesday Tacos and Wednesday Wings), every day has its specialties for dog lovers: Mutt Monday, Towser Tuesday, Woof Wednesday, Rex Thursday, Fido Friday, Sparky Saturday, Snoopy Sunday. I get it, I fetch it. Enough is enough.

There is no Aesop fable in this dog blog entry. There is no hounding or hidden meaning here. I don’t have a dog. I will not have a dog. (Dogs are too much work, even though I’ve just presented the reasons why dog lovers believe their dogs are easy maintenance). But I do like your dog (whoever you are).

Factoid: My mise-en-scene studio is a public park or city sidewalk. I’ve very little foofaraw for drawing your mutt. My sketches are Spotty with no frills and no flash; they are simply controlled scribbles for dollars.

I am a mercenary mongrel monger!

Marching in my CHAUCERIAN PARADE this week: