Sunday, January 26, 2020

TO LIVE IS TO SUFFER (THE SKINNY OF ZEN): A LIFETIME OF RESOLVE AND DISAPPOINTMENT



Though it’s unseasonably warm today with the outdoor temperatures rising to a minus five degrees my body, 'neath my heaviest winter parka, is still chilled to the bone.  A fellow busker has described the weather today as a Montreal kind of day.
Boot-leather guitar busking in such weather conditions, for me, is challenging but possible.  Sketch and pencil portrait busking in such conditions is out of the question, definitely outside the margins of common sense.  What to do, what to do, what to do.  To burn off some energy angst and winter fat, I’ve decided to lace my skates and shoot the puck around on Wascana Lake.  This, after I write this blog entry, of course.

  • RESOLVE

It’s coming up January end and I’ve not yet broken any of my New Year’s resolutions.  You know, the same ol’ same ol’ get-skinny-get-writing phrases sworn to myself in silence, but certainly never aloud and never through the looking glass. 
People do not seem so surprised when I tell them this, certainly not as surprised when I used to brag that I did all my graduate studies maintaining an A+ average, while still working as a counsellor, coaching men’s premier league soccer, and keeping up with my personal fitness regimen.  Yikes!  How was all that possible wonder.   
Factoid:  Anything is possible when you’re lying.  (I stole and re-worked this gem off a poster I found when googling the meaning of self-deprecating.)
Another factoid:  I did not make any New Year’s resolutions because I never made any resolutions.
And yet another factoid:  Had I made any such resolutions I’d still be okay.  I can’t get much skinnier (I need to drop an impossible three pounds); I am always on the move (I run, I skate, I lift weights, I kick box).
Just mentioning this will not make my dreams of being skinny come true.  I do need to drop that impossible ten pounds and yet … I had two muffins with my morning raspberry cream pie flavor (DAVIDsTEA), and two scoops of jambalaya, compliments of Campus Regina Public, for lunch.  The rooibos tea was healthy – the jambalaya maybe not so much.
A couple of paragraphs ago I proudly proclaimed that I’ve not yet broken any of my New Year’s resolutions.  I did not mention my two lifetime resolutions.  I omitted my long-time fancies of first being a famous writer and, second, striving for quantum fitness.  (True confession:  For me, quantum fitness is synonymous with six-pack abs.  Whatever I write or whenever I speak about fitness is always predicated on my vanity, my obsession for wanting six-pack abs.)

  • DISAPPOINTMENT

FACTOID:  I AM DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF.
Hmmm … famous writer.  My first foray into real writing was when I had a graduate Psychology paper published as a book.  Until that time, I’d had scads of editorials published, and was paid little bucks for big book reviews as a freelancer.  As a writer who is not famous I am disappointed in myself.  As a creative writer I do have scintillas of success.  I am proud that I pen original folk songs for my minstrel alterity, and I am proud that I pen this blog, having a readership in 150 countries to date.
Hmmm … quantum fitness.  My first foray into real fitness was when I earned my double certification as a life guard and swimming instructor. After that I became a long-distance runner (completing three marathons and dozens of half marathons); after which I became a weight lifter (earning certification in free weights and machine weight training); after which I became a student in Muay Thai (a continuing interests in martial arts, having been a student of Karate in high school and again as a young adulthood).  After a lifetime of playing hockey in the indoor rinks, from wee-wee to senior to adult rec, I still love lacing my skates.  Nowadays I prefer to do so in the winter winds blowing across the outdoor ice surfaces.  Nowadays I finally realize that life need not be a race, or rather, should not be a race.  There is no Zen in racing.  There is plenty of Zen in outdoor skating.
Factoid:  Being not a dull-wit I do know that to achieve quantum fitness I must jettison my gluttonous habits.  When I eat chips I eat lots of chips, and when I eat red licorice, I eat lots of red licorice.  Although food addiction is not a classified disorder, in my urge to munch junk I’ve statistically joined the 20% of the population who also want to salt and sugar their faces. I’m a binge-eater, and binge-eating really is a classified disorder.  Though affecting more women than men, and also being linked to depression, I am an outlier fitting neither category.  I know all this and yet I feel powerless.  In this, and this alone, I am accursed.  I am disappointed in myself.  (The aliment to my salvation, I know, will be the Mediterranean diet.)
Here’s the skinny on being skinny as expressed by guitar god, Brian May (when he was introducing the band, Def Leppard, into the Rock Hall of Fame): “If you want stay being a rock star, keep your hair, and stay skinny. When Brian expressed this, he received a roaring chorus of laughter in return.
Okay, Brian.  Whether or not I keep my hair will be determined by my genetics.  
Whether or not I stay skinny (or become a famous writer) is totally a decision for the fountainhead, ME, just as the fountainhead of all your decisions, along with all your vanities and obsessions, is YOU.
Skating in my CHAUCERIAN PARADE this week is my best friend, COLBY WILLIAMSPROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYER WITH THE HERSHEY BEARS, who turns 25 years or 9,131 days old today!




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COLBY!
(My blog entry today is finis and so it is time to lace up my skates and head to the outdoor ice at Wascana Park.  And by the way, those NHL Tacks pictured above, were given to me by my best friend, COLBY WILLIAMS, right after his first main NHL camp with the Washington Capitals.  I've written about Colby before, more than a few times in this blog.  Three examples: COLBY SAVES CHRISTMAS: THE SILVER SKATES -- DECEMBER 21, 2014; DAYDREAM BELIEVER: WILLY GOES TO WASHINGTON -- JUNE 28, 2015; BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS: NOT WORTHY OR NOTEWORTHY -- JULY 22, 2017.)

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