Friday, March 24, 2023

SEVEN POUNDS UNTIL SUMMER: SUMER IS ICUMEN IN WITH SIX-PACK ABS

 

AT THE CURE

My blog title today is my new mid-section mantra:  Seven pounds until summer:  sumer is icumen in with six-pack abs. This “Sumer is icumen in is from my university English Medieval Literature days: The Cuckoo Song (W. de Wycombe, 1261).

Note, dear reader, that I am not stating the obvious pun of Middle Ages and my mid-section because I am no longer middle-aged, and therefore no longer burdened with a middle-aged mid-section. Alas, and certainly not by my design, I have become a senior citizen with a noticeably bulging mid-section.  (I only mentioned my mid-section along with Middle Ages as my tactical employment of “apophasis,” that literary device that allows me the pleasure of mentioning something by saying I will not mention it. For example, dear readers, I will not remind you that I am a very gifted busker both with my pencil and guitar.  Such bragging is not endearing to anyone in my reading audience.)  So, saying this, seven pounds until summer, and sumer is icumen in with six-pack abs” shall begrudgingly suffice.  Busking outside in the sunshine wearing blue jeans and white t-shirt, looking good (physically) becomes my signature costume.  Enacting this alterity becomes my busking persona.

BUSKING IN 2016

Summer is, indeed, coming in and I think, too, so are my imaginary thorax six-pack abs soon becoming my reality.  I claim to be neither an authority on food nor fitness.  Nope.  I am not a nutritionist – I am a foodie; I am not a fitness trainer – I am a fitness freak.  Being quite into fitness since the early ‘70s, I know for me that weight loss can be accomplished through better eating habits than by better fitness habits.

You need to burn 3500 calories to lose one pound of weight.  To burn 3500 calories demands physical and psychological exercise. Here is the skinny on calories and weight loss. For example:  Ten thousand steps will burn 500 calories.  Ten thousand steps per day for one week (500 calories X 7 = 3500 calories) will burn one pound of body weight.  That is a lot of walking!

*A disclaimer at this point is necessary:  Not that an exercise regimen should not be included in any weight loss, I am just stating that weight loss by design ought to begin with a change-up of eating behaviors.

I shall repeat: Weight loss can be accomplished through better eating habits than by better fitness habits. Deciding to count and document my daily calories should curb my enthusiasm for gormandizing.  I am convinced that the skinny of weight loss is to adopt better eating habits, and that means consuming fewer calories until gaining the desired weight loss. The Harvard Health Guide (Harvard University) offers a trick to measure the necessary daily caloric intake to maintain a person’s body weight: 

Simply multiply your body weight by 15. 

For me then, 172 pounds X 15 = 2580 calories per day. 

I am dangerously determining that weight loss can easily be calculated by likening my body to a bank, and then monitoring a caloric bank-body account, so to speak.  To keep my weight as is, I need to consume 2580 calories per day.  Depositing more than 2580 calories daily into my body account will result in a weight gain, whereas, depositing fewer calories into my body account will result in a weight loss.  I guess we shall soon see!

MARCH 21ST

On this first full day of spring, upon wakening at 5:30 A.M. I carried on my morning coffee ritual. I sipped an Americano coffee (15 cal) and then a cappuccino (55 cal) while reading the latest news (CNN, Huffington Post, Al Jazzera, NBC, ABC, and even FOX) on my iPhone.  Typically, I after following the newsfeeds, I ten-minute a bout of French with Duolingo, a scroll through my Instagram, and I close with the today obituaries.   At 10:30ish I drank two glasses of water and one cup of hot chocolate (200 cal) and chomped two bananas (200 cal).  Lunchtime I consumed one bowl of lettuce salad (20 cal) and three very small barbequed chicken breasts (300 cal).  Suppertime, I devoured two bowls of hamburger stew (200 cal), along with two thinly buttered dinner buns, and an hour later followed by a Tim Hortons London Fog (150 cal).  I had a protein shake (110 cal) for a nightcap.

Total calories = 1435

Weight today: 172.0 pounds

MARCH 22ND

5:30 A.M. I read the blah blah Trump news on my iPhone while sipping two cups of Americano coffee (30 cal).  At 8:00 A.M. I drank a Tim Hortons medium size hot chocolate (200 cal) and at 10:00 A.M. had a banana (100 cal).  Lunchtime I helped myself to two slices of French toast poured over with a thimbleful of syrup (500 cal).    Suppertime I had two slices of hamburger pizza (600 cal), washed down with a fruit smoothie (150 cal).  An hour later I gulped down a London Fog (150 cal), and just before bed I munched two bowls of plain nachos smothered in salsa (600 cal) while watching Ted Lasso on the telly.

Total calories = 2330

Weight today: 170.0 pounds

(So far so good!)

MARCH 23RD

5:30 A.M. Caught up on my Instagram while sipping two cappuccinos (110 cal).  At work I quaffed a hot chocolate (150 cal) and skipped the usual banana.  Lunchtime I ate two small bowls of chile (500 cal) washed down with two cups of cold Adam’s Ale.  Instead of supper I had a London Fog from Tim Hortons (150 cal) and later on a bowl of dried apricots (500 cal), two bowls of plain nachos with salsa (600 cal), all of which washed down with a chocolate protein drink (170 cal).

Total calories = 2180

Weight today: 169.0 pounds

(Hmmm. Getting there …)

All of this above is not an Aesopian tale.  This blog entry has no hidden meaning or message. Regarding this food-stand (pun intended), I must proclaim that I am not your pedestrian-thinking mugwamp! (A mugwamp is one who is undecided.  A mugwamp is one who is a fence-sitter, whose mug is on one side and whose wump is on the other!)

The skinny of my seven – pound weight loss proposal is simply this:  In my typical narcissistic fashion, I do not want to ever experience the social stigma of being the old guy with the skinny arms and the paunch. Rather, I do want to be and only want to be (my narcissism exposed) that guy with the six-pack abs!

And based upon my personal empirical evidence, to become that guy with the six-pack abs, I need to cut the junk food. 

NO MORE CHIPS + NO MORE CHOCOLATE

 = SIX-PACK ABS!

 "Sumer Is Icumen In!"




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