TREKKING AND EXISTENTIAL DREAD: CHANGING A LIFESTYLE

RICKY STECIUK

RICK STECIUK is my very close and very philosophical friend (see my blog entry, THE PHILOSOPHER’S PIPE: WHEN A FELLER NEEDS A FRIEND posted June 29, 2013).  Factoid:  Rick was there at the very beginning when I started writing this blog.  My very first entry, TIME: AN ESSAY ON THE HUMAN PERCEPTION OF TIME (March 20th, 2010) was Rick's suggested topic!

“It is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, what experiences have been deeply buried. It began to occur to me that unless I had a need to demonstrate my own cleverness and learning, I would do better to rely upon the client for the direction of movement in the process.” – Carl Rogers

From the start of my counseling career, whether providing Reality Therapy (Choice Theory) or Solution Focused Therapy or Cognitive Behavior Therapy and even Hypnotherapy, I have always told my clients that as a therapist I never, ever give advice, and that the solutions to their problems are always within themselves.  Reflecting upon this Rogers quote (above), I guess I have been a Rogerian (Person-Centered) therapist all along. 

And then when I do a re-read of the five principles Carl Rogers stated as necessary for a good life (accepting all experiences, an existential lifestyle, a trust in one’s own decisions, an increase in freedom, and being creative and adaptive without necessarily conforming), it is a confirmation of sorts that I am, indeed, a Rogerian.

No matter my bent, the skinny of therapy is that if you are not wholly comfortable with how you are, then you need to make a change.  It is a simple matter of becoming the person you imagine yourself to be.  And it is never too late to change anything in your lifestyle.

It is not in our best mental health interests to have a mismatch between our inner selves and our outer selves, least of not the reflections of our outer selves.  The wider the gap between our inner and outer self, the more likely the mental in-congruence and dissonance we experience.  As a therapist, I can certainly and only help you to reflect upon the changes needed in your life to increase your happiness while decreasing your disdain.

Reflect upon what you are doing now.  Do you believer fame and fortune are the prerequisites for happiness?  Do you believe a carpe diem lifestyle is the guide to happiness? 

 

A guide to the beginning of a Hollywood ending demands continual reflection and pragmatic implementation.  How can we cultivate positive change in our lives and what is the cost of doing so.

Whether it is a desire to quit smoking or a desire to lose weight, remember that desiring change is not doing change.  Desiring is easy, changing is challenging.  Anything will get in the way of making change.  As I wrote (this epiphany) in my Master’s thesis:

 “It’s always easier not to (simply fill in the blank for any desired outcome).

There is always a strong reluctance to change routines.  One could easily think that changing routines takes first a mental (conscious) effort then an actual physical effort.  However, my Reality Therapy trappings have convinced me that effecting real change begins with doing, rather than thinking about doing.  The skinny for such is along the line, don’t think, just run up and kick the ball.

And what price do people pay for not changing their lives?  As stated earlier, the wider the gap between the imagined and desired life and a person’s unimaginable and real life, the more likely the mental in-congruence and dissonance.  If a person wants to be different but is not willing to change behaviors, then a life of general frustration will prevail.

Changing your habits will change your thinking and ultimately change your lifestyle.  Doing same ol’ same ol’ will always result in same ol’ same ol’.  Keep doing what you’re doing will get you what you’ve always got.  If you don’t like what you’ve got, then start doing in a different fashion!

It is never too late for change.  Become the person you long to be.  Start breathing the life of the being you want to become.  If you want to be a non-smoker, be a non-smoker.  It you want to get skinny, get skinny.  Change will occur especially if a person believes that a life change is necessary, or rather fears that a life change is necessary.   

Another quotation from Carl Rogers:  The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.

Hmmm.  I’m thinking that direction is for the right brain thinkers and destination for the left brain thinkers.

A direction is abstract; a destination is concrete.  A direction is hypothetical, philosophical, and transcendental; a destination is particular, precise, and tangible.

And this brings me to explaining my snappy title for this blog.  Direction, like life, is a trek.  Trekking is kinetic; one can get energized while trekking.  

And regular readers of this blog know that existential dread seems a running theme in my writing and having an existential lifestyle is, not coincidentally, one of the five tenets Carl Rogers stated that is necessary for a good life. 

To be flummoxed with existential dread is typically prompted by mid-life crisis, that time in life when one realizes that for the most part, we tend to embark on middle-class misadventures, rather than authenticity and self-actualization.

When one has decided to make a change of direction in lifestyle, such directions can be rather accursed.  For example, drinking six or seven glasses a water a day can be a capital pee project.   Being hungry most every day in appreciation of gastric discomfort is not comforting.  And resisting food, especially junk food, allows for no salivating moments of gluttonous joy.  And my last (and most personal) example:  Doing pull-ups and roll-outs and battle-ropes are brutal to endure during a workout but are truly valued at the end of a workout.

Where you are is where it’s at.  Trekking toward your skinny or sobriety or wherever demands self-discipline and toil.  And you may have to retire your claque of sycophants to get there.  For example, if either skinny or sobriety is your destination, to shred your body and sharpen your brain you’ll need to symbolically toast a good-bye to your pub tribe.  Any person not enhancing or helping with your positive changes needs to be jettisoned.  (Ridding yourself of those who encourage your negative behaviors will be your initial angst and biggest chore.  Factoid: In the addiction industry, friendships among druggies are sometimes referred to as drugships.  This is based upon the notion that these social relationships have only one thing in common, the negative addiction being the only glue keeping such relationships together.  Change -- it ain't easy!)

BE COURAGEOUS.  

DON'T WAIT FOR HAPPINESS.  

START CHANGING NOW.