ANAL ANGST: NOT FREUDIAN -- A COLONOSCOPY!

YIKES!

It began when my FECAL IMMUNOCHEMICAL TEST (FIT), the provincial screening device for colon cancer, stated “ABNORMAL” atop the letter sent to me by the health authority. That same letter reported that a colonoscopy had been scheduled for me come January 18^th!  

Of course, I googled “COLONOSCOPY” and read that a colonoscopy is a procedure that allows your healthcare provider to check your entire colon (large intestine).  This procedure is done using a long, flexible tube, up to six feet in length called a colonoscope. The colonoscope has a light and a tiny camera on one end and is inserted into your rectum and moved through your colon.

Yikes! And so begat my anal angst.

Though anal angst may seem a Freudian connotation, I can assure you it is not! MY anal angst had nothing to do with my Child fascination (pun intended) in the erogenous zone of my anus! Rather, it had only to do with the real anticipated mental and physical anguish of a six-foot tube insertion to where the sun don’t shine!

Talk about a bummer!

I had just returned from a marshmallow Christmas break in British Columbia, Christmas dinner with my daughter in Kamloops and skiing with my sons at Kelowna.

MY THREE SONS AND SELF -- PRE-SKI

Following that I signed up for the three-day CANADIAN SKI INSTRUCTOR ASSOCIATION (CSIA) course held at the Mission Ridge Ski Resort, just an hour drive from my home city. The course was intense, being six hours on the snow for Day one, six more hours on the snow for Day two, and five and a half hours on the snow for Day three. Intense but technically manageable.

MY RETIREMENT TICKET TO MOUNTAIN ADVENTURES

All this was followed by a four-hour walk-the-line teacher strike up and down and over the famous Albert Street Bridge (Regina, Saskatchewan) in minus 30-degree weather!

MARCHING WITH (TEACHER) FRIENDS

And then I had my rehearsal for opening the up-and-coming TRISTAN OREMBA concert to be held at my favorite downtown bar, THE CURE.

    

To prep for my colonoscopy was (somewhat) dreaded, yet simple. My colon needed to be clean as         whistle and therefore, some dietary measures were necessary to purge my intestines. As prescribed, I    followed these easy dietary measures: Seven days prior to my scheduled colonoscopy I could eat no   nuts or seeds. Two days before the colonoscopy I started a low residue diet. At 7 p.m. the evening     before the colonoscopy, I changed from a low residue diet to a clear fluid diet. I had to buy from the drug store, one 4L jug of CoLyte. Also, at 7 p.m. the night before my colonoscopy, I was ordered to         drink 2L (64 oz) of the CoLyte solution. At 8:15 the morning on my colonoscopy I drank another 2L of the CoLyte solution. I must admit, drinking all 4L of this liquid laxative was difficult. Drinking these  four liters was quite the chore, and upon reflection, really the only chore.

My writing purpose today was to commend all the medicos who partook in the process of my colonoscopy.  This includes the information nurse who I had to initially call to confirm I would be available for  date of my procedure, the general admission clerk at the hospital who made sure I was registered in lots of time and then directed me to Endoscopy Unit, the receptionist at the Endoscopy Unit who welcomed me with a big smile (not a sardonic smile, by the way), the prep nurses in the wardroom who had me strip and lie in wait, and finally to all those, including the good (great, I mean) doctor, who were directly involved in my procedure. (Practically every day I read that our medical state is in dire need of repair. This may very well be, but such a state did not dampen the ardor and zeal offered me from start to finish by all the medicos involved in my dreadfully anticipated colonoscopy.)

Epilogue:

It's been a few days since my colonoscopy adventure and upon reflection, that anal angst I suffered was all for naught. I must express that the actual operation was not at all unpleasant. Rather, if there is such a measure as a suffering continuum, my colonoscopy was more on side of pleasant than on the side of pain. I am happy to report that I am back in my pedestrian saddle, having ridden thrice to the gym for very light workouts, having ridden twice for half-hour outdoor walks, having performed a couple original songs at an Open Mic last night, and tonight planning to go for a skate on Wascana Lake!

To this end, or shall I say, to end this:

FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO HAVE A COLONOSCOPY:

I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO WITHOUT RESERVATION!

FACTOID: COLONOSCOPIES SAVE LIVES!

ANOTHER FACTOID: PEOPLE REFUSE COLONOSCOPIES BECAUSE THEY HAVE HEARD THAT THE PREP IS DIFFICULT AND ARE AFRAID THE PROCEDURE WILL BE PAINFUL.  

TRUST ME. THE PREP WAS EASY AND THE PROCEDURE WAS NOT PAINFUL, AND AS THIS BLOG ENTRY PROVES, I DID SURVIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT!