MUTTS AND TOTS: THE COMPS AND CONS

Currently I am thinking lots about babies.  I’m thinking about babies not because I want to make another baby, I'm thinking about babies because I am teaching Child Psychology and always thinking on topic for my next class delivery.  I’m a fan of snappy titles so here goes my thought processes ... I could’ve easily entitled this essay, KENNELS AND CRIBS, the actual working title until Mutts and Tots  jumped into my brain on my morning run.

I like both titles.  In both these titles, the actual one and the working one, the metaphor is consistent.  Mutts are dogs and tots are humans; and, kennels and cribs both represent containment.  I did toy around with Barks and Babies, but that metaphor is mixed (bark being a sound made by a dog, and babies being little humans).  I did also toy with Puppies and Pampers, which, too, is a mixed metaphor (puppies being dogs, pampers being accessories).  I like snappy titles.  I don’t like mixed metaphors.

Anyway, it is so easy to think of children, especially newborns, as pets.  Isn’t it?  (Yikes.)  And it is easy to compare the raising of dogs (man’s best friend, to coin a sexist metaphor) to raising children.  As sacrilegious as this may sound (sacrilegious being too strong a word I know), I do enjoy making the comparisons right along with, of course, the contrasts (hence the subtitle: THE COMPS AND CONS).

Here are the COMPS:

• Both are family.  Both need love.  Both need attention.  Both need potty training.  Both need guidance.  Both need socialization.  Both need toys.  Both need sitters.  Both bring happiness. Both have a major impact on people’s lives.  Both take considerable time and effort.  Both have loads of information, information overload, really, on how-to raise and discipline.  Both need rules.  Both are governed mostly by carrot-and-stick.  Both become routine. And last … both will hang around the home for approximately twenty years.

And now here are the CONS (which are few when compared to the COMPS):

• Children are much more complex than dogs.  You don’t have to be a positive role model to raise a dog.  And last, children will eventually talk back (pun intended).

And there you have it, my bowdlerized notion of mutts and tots, and even though I do teach Child Psychology, ‘tis obvious I’m no cognoscente on raising children.  Since I’ve reminded the reader that I am an academic of sorts, I would love to confess that this entire essay has been Aesopian in nature, an intellectual gambit for my bully-pulpit writing to suggest to crappy parents that kids are people too, and deserve far better than what they are delivering.  I would love to confess such, but it just ain’t true. 

Perhaps this essay was unconsciously written for the wooden be or wouldn’t-be parents, more so than for the wannabee or would-be parents but … wait a minute … I usually only write for would-be or wannabee buskers.

Hmmm … I have on occasion written before on dogs (see my blog entries, PETS-TO-GO:  THE MAX FACTOR, January 12^TH, 2014, and CANINES AND COINS:  A SHAGGY-DOG ESSAY ON BUSKING WITH BOWWOW, December 27^th, 2011), and I’ve written before on children (see my blog entry, BEND IT LIKE … A BUSKER:  THE BUSKOLOGY OF RECREATIONAL AND COMPETITIVE PITCHES, MAY 5^TH, 2013). 

Whatever my reason for writing about mutts and tots, I must apologize to my ailurophile (cat lover) friends and readers, and hope to redeem myself with this retraction and closing … 

THERE IS, REALLY, NO COMPARISON BETWIXT RAISING A CHILD AND RAISING A PUPPY … 

A PUPPY IS A FREAKIN’ DOG … 

IT’S JUST A FREAKIN’ DOG!

(And now I must apologize to my cynophile (dog lover) friends and readers ... but wait a minute ... I did write an entire essay appealing to your pooches ... let's just leave it at that!)

TAKE IT OUTSIDE: THE BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO STREET HYPNOSIS

DAVID THE HARMONICA BUSKER

 Just as I am in the process of transforming from guitar busker to didge busker (see my previous posts -- it’s a winter weather thing), I am also fomenting the idea of extending my clinical hypnotherapy practice to the street.  I am thinking people who love HYPNOSIS will especially enjoy STREET HYPNOSIS.

Hypnotherapy, from my own experiences, can be an academically sophisticated process (training and practicing and whatnot); however, hypnotizing strangers on a noisy street corner need not be as complicated and … one reason for doing such would be to promote my indoor HYPNOTHERAPY PRACTICE.

STREET HYPNOSIS, as with other hypnoses (plural) in general, can be a doorway between the conscious and the unconscious.  STREET HYPNOSIS is the fastest way to mine the conscious mind and while tapping the unconscious mind, all of which while taking place on a sidewalk, taking only a maximum of four minutes time from start to finish with each volunteer subject.

STREET HYPNOSIS is similar in style to CONVERSATIONAL HYPNOSIS (except more overt rather than covert).  For STREET HYPNOSIS no pocket watch is necessary.  However, just as a clinical hypnotherapist will follow a particular CODE OF ETHICS, so must a street hypnotist be encouraged to follow a code of ethics.  

Here are some ideas and examples of my soon-to-be estival STREET HYPNOSIS practice, including a quick guideline for the aspects of INTRODUCTION, INDUCTION, DEEPENING, SUGGESTION, and AWAKENING.

• INTRODUCTION

First, introduce yourself.

Hi … I’m Neil … What’s your name?

Second, tell what you do.

I’m a hypnotherapist … today I’m a Street Hypnotist.

Third, give a compliment.

You seem to be someone who is with it … someone who is rather together at least in the psychological sense.

Fourth, get consent by asking permission.

Have you ever been hypnotized?  And no matter the answer yes or no, your answer will be Great … then you know the routine or Great … then you should find this interesting.

REMEMBER THAT CONSENT IS NECESSARY.  

Hey, want to experience something really cool … something really recreational … something RELAXING … something positively safe and legal?

AND ALSO REMEMBER … NO SUBJECTS UNDER THE AGE OF CONSENT.  I live in Saskatchewan, Canada and the age of consent is 16 but … for any street hypnoses I insist that the subjects be at least 18 years of age.

• INDUCTION

In STREET HYPNOSIS … SUBJECTS HAVE LITTLE TIME TO RESIST.

-THE FALLING HAND:  

I’d like you to sit right here okay … now raise one palm up … I press my palm down and against the subject’s rising palm … then suddenly withdraw my palm and command the subject to Sleep!

-THE STICKY HANDS: 

I’d like you to extend both hands about 1 to 2 feet apart, palms facing one another.  Now imagine there is a magnetic attraction between your palms and they are slowly closing in one another … slowly drawing together … and as soon as your palms do touch together you will go into a deep trance so to speak okay … slowly, slowly bring your palms together … that’s right … and just before they touch I, with my own hands, gently clap the subject’s hands together and command the subject to Sleep!

-THE HANDSHAKE (OR FISTBUMP):  During the introduction (as somewhat expressed above) … Hey, want to experience something really cool … something recreational and positively safe and legal and really RELAXING … and during the handshake I will suddenly command the subject to Sleep!

Immediately following the INDUCTION … I go to DEEPENING.

• DEEPENING

-THE 10 – 1 COUNTDOWN:  I’m now going to count down from 10 to 1 … and by the time I get to the number 1 you’ll be deep in trance … and when you’re in a RELAXED trance you’ll be receptive and responsive to my suggestions … okay?

-THE SHOULDER TAP:  Every time I tap you on the shoulder like this [demonstrate] you’ll be more RELAXED and fall deeper and deeper into a very RELAXED trance … and when you’re in this RELAXED trance you will be open and receptive to respond to my suggestions … okay?

Immediately following the DEEPENING … I go to SUGGESTION.

• SUGGESTION

Street Hypnosis can make anyone do pretty much anything, can make any subject feel happy, or sad or angry, can make anyone laugh or sing or cry or dance.  Street Hypnosis can even make people forget their own names.

-THE HANDSTICK:

Standing by a nearby wall or seated at an outdoor table or even squatting down on the sidewalk … I would like for you to have your hand stick to this wall/table/sidewalk … but before I do … do you prefer gravity or glue or magnets for such to occur … then I go with whatever the subject picks… Imagine now there is ….

-NOW THAT'S FUNNY: 

I’m going to tell you now that though most people, except for people like you and I, though most people find most things to be rather unremarkable … and most things certainly not funny.  But we, you and I, find deeper meaning in things, therefore deeper humor in most things … take for instance the word [insert any word, gourmand (one who is heartily interested in food and drink) or haberdasher (one who specializes in men’s clothing] … or my hat that I have on hand in my guitar case and that I don for just this occasion … this word [gourmand/haberdasher] or my hat  is incredibly funny … in fact, this word [gourmand/haberdasher] or my hat is the funniest word you’ve heard or the funniest hat you’ve seen in a long, long while and you certainly will express that in your laughter … which you certainly deserve as well.  Now I’ll say the word or put on the hat.

OTHER SUGGESTIONS (having loads of enjoyment potential): STEEPLE FINGERS, THE LOCK … (EYE LOCK), YOU’VE GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN YOUR HANDS … (STIFF OUTSTRETCHED ARMS), SILENT MOVIE (SUBJECT UNABLE TO SPEAK), and similar to the HANDSTICK, the LEGSTICK.

Immediately following the SUGGESTION … I go to AWAKENING.

• AWAKENING

THE 1 – 10 COUNT-UP:  Now thank you very much for joining me … and now I’m going to count up from 1 to 10 … and when I get to the number 10 … when I get to the number 10 … I will snap my fingers and then we will shake hands and wish each other well and thank-you.

  

Some things about STREET HYPNOSIS, that I’d like you to consider:

• FRAME THE GAME to suit you and your street circumstance. 

• BE ALWAYS THE CHARISMATIC PROFESSIONAL … BUT DON’T BE OVER PROFESSIONAL … IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAY BUT HOW YOU SAY IT THAT COUNTS. BEING STREET SMART IS AS IMPORTANT AS BEING LEARNED.

• RATHER THAN PUSH YOUR SUBJECTS – PULL THEM IN.

• A HAPPY FACE.

A simple smile is the confirmation test, whether or not you have a willing participant.

Hypnosis is all about imagination and concentration.  I’d like you to imagine and I’d love for you to concentrate on the things I am about to say … okay.

REMEMBER THAT TALKING AT SOMEONE IS INEFFECTIVE. 

The more precisely you explain to your subject the requirement of the procedure, the better will be the hypnotic response.

A person is hypnotized AS SOON AS the suggestion has been carried out.

Your hand is heavy, heavy, heavy and the more you try to lift it (from the table) the heavier it becomes.  As soon as that hand is demonstrably heavy, that person is hypnotized.

Remember also, finish each hypnotic action by offering each subject QUID PRO QUO a personally perceived bad habit the subject wants to kick … then suggest such through HYPNOSIS, for example if the subject has expressed a desire to stop smoking, a smoking dialogue: Where do you go to smoke?  How would you be if you weren’t smoking?  … Just shut your eyes for a moment and imagine your experience as a non-smoker.  You know about change … you’ve had to change your life before … you are quitting smoking now … you are again changing your life.

UNDERSTAND that the POWER OF SUGGESTION is ALWAYS WORKING.

UNDERSTAND, TOO, MOST OF YOUR VOLUNTEER SUBJECTS WILL BE VERY COMPLIANT …  

AND WHAT THEY EXPERIENCE WILL DEPEND ENTIRELY ON WHAT THEY EXPECT TO EXPERIENCE. 

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

(You can see for yourself that taking selfies is not my expertise.)

SO YOU WANNA BE A BUSKER: DECISIONS, DECISIONS.

MIC and GLEN (MY FAVORITE BUSKERS)

Wanna be a busker?  Full-time? Or faux time?  Hmmm … decisions, decisions …

According to Jeff Shinabarger, there are seven styles of decision making (Yes or No:  How Everyday Decisions Will Forever Shape Your Life).

1. COLLECTIVE REASONING … the gathering of group decisions and then deciding … Hmmm … if they can be buskers, then so can I.  If you could witness my competition in Regina, Canada, you would surely agree that anyone can be a busker.  In front of any liquor store in this city, generally you’ll find beggars strumming guitar who can’t play a note and dregs blowing stinky discords into harmonicas. Saying thus, of course there are counter-patterns, university music majors thrumming in summer, and real guitar-slinging buskers who are just passing through town, usually heading west, who can really shred a guitar.  Going elsewhere to buske, however, say to Victoria on the west coast of Canada, or to Halifax on the east coast of Canada, buskers such as I would really have to step up their game. Busking is not living in Lotusland.

2. DATA DRIVEN … to formulate a decision based on hard core data, especially numbers.  Hmmm … do the math.  Usually when I busk I make 35 to 50 dollars an hour, but that is only at the peak hours.  For example, busking over a noon or supper hour my take is high; whereas, busking mid-morning or mid-afternoon, my take is low.  If I were to busk for five or six hours per day, including those peak hours, my take would be between 75 and 100 dollars.  To calculate on the conservative side, five days at 75 dollars would be 375 dollars per week, multiplied by four makes 1500 dollars per month.  Methinks if I decide to sell EVERYTHING I own, ditch driving my Acura  and quit buying my black and white shirts, and rent a broom closet to live in, I could make it work.  And it would be work because … if you’ve ever been busking, you know it ain’t easy.

3. GUT REACTION … relying on your feelings to make quick decisions.  Hmmm … generally speaking, this is a bad idea.  The romantic notion of busking is always (for me) the draw of busking.  I love it, love it, love it.  I love to mess my hair, don my shades, pull on a tight white T, faded jeans and work boots, and stand and strum and thrum whilst blowing into my C or Am harp.  In my busker beginnings I had hair-brained ideas.  I can remember dressing like a cowboy; I can remember having a karaoke invite (complete with sign) for my potential consumers; I can remember choosing out of the way perfect (looking) buskspots that appealed to me, but not to my consumers.  All of these mentioned actions were based upon gut reactions and spontaneous and desperate attempts to be a busker.  In the beginning my busking was capricious.  Now my busking, upon reflection (and I reflect often), is putting lots of thought into my attire and locations. 

4. LIST APPROACH … listing the pros and cons again and again on paper.  Hmmm … I’d rather be busking.  In contrary to what I’ve written just above (GUT REACTION), baptism by fire is the only way to learn how to busk and to improve your busking.  There is little comparison to hitting the sidewalks with real busking to those theoretical what if’s you write on a list.  And those lists are most certainly biased, for if they were not, nobody would decide to be a busker based upon this method of decision.  Let us imagine the pros … romance, adventure, wanderlust, compared to the cons … demeaning, bad weather, little money … but … lists are for pedagogues, not buskers.

5. SPIRITUALLY GUIDED … that is waiting for a voice or looking for a sign to determine your destiny.  Hmmm … this what-would-Jesus-do style of decision making only works if you can stretch your phenomenological thinking to the money lending practices in the market place, an economic epiphany so to speak.  

6. STORY LIVING … is making the decision based upon the imaginary stories you plan on telling of your buskapades.  Hmmm … I remember Christine, the bag lady with the shopping cart, her beer breath on my folk songs, because she stood so close with her sing-alongs.  Then there was this drunk who took a swing at me, twice.  And the guy who tried to steal my buskmate’s bongos.  I've lots of great stories from lived bad experiences.  See my blog entry, THREE CITIES, THREE GUITARS (August, 2014), a storied adventure of my European buskation.  Such story living is really quite Aesopian in nature, in the sense that all the consumers and players that participate in my world of busking do not know that they could become main characters in my stories.

7. PASSIVE UNDECIDED … is when you creatively procrastinate and simply really on destiny. Hmmm … if you were a busker having such an abulia, not to choose is really a choice that will lead you to the nearest soup kitchen.

The hardest thing about the road not taken is that you'll never know where it might have led (sort of Lisa Windgate).  I travel on that busking road approximately 60 days a year and it always leads to fun and adventure. 

We all make choices -- but in the end our choices make us (sort of Ken Levine).  Truly, we can become whom we want to become.

If you always make the safe decision -- you will always be the same as everyone else (sort of Jan Arden).  Yes, living a middle-class life is a safe and secure misadventure.

When your values are clear -- your decisions are easy (sort of Roy Disney).  Based upon action and reflection and introspection, there finally comes a time in everyone's life when we know what is good for us.  Knowing, however, is easier than doing.

Dear reader, 

'Tis time for me to hit the street!